Born in the bedroom A flower on the bed You picked my petals Till the colors bled Down by a dead river Disease is sure to grow Your love’s a dead river But you will never know When will the light show In on your soul We’ve done such ugly things And neither of us can go back home I’ve given you a piece of me But its not what you’re looking for I could’ve given my love But your heart ain’t an open door It was black silk That entrapped your pulse It was my darkness You thought you could hold You just wanted my body You didn’t want my heart Thought I could handle But I will tear you apart Chained to a bed In a dark shed You said you like that But it’s not what I wanted Spreading my legs now On the dirt floor I said a prayer but I Don’t feel anything anymore I’ve given you a piece of me But its not what you’re looking for I could’ve given my love But your heart ain’t an open door

I’ve burrowed myself inside the carcass of love Don’t tell me I’ve gone too far it’s not enough I’ve been made to feel so crazy I can’t feel my brain Am I numb, am I dumb, am I worthless, am I insane History with us never repeats I hold onto thoughts you couldn’t keep Am I afraid to love again Going through the shame of heavenly regret Heavenly regret They said in a perfect world I wouldn’t exist Tell me I’m your girl so you can kiss I’ll never be a man in a world like this I’m too hard to understand so I must desist Desist Your another scab on my heart I pick at till it rips apart You know the worthless things I do to myself I am my own pain and I am my own hell Am I afraid to love again Going through the shame of heavenly regret I’ve resown the wound they said could not be fixed I’ve resown the wound they said could not be fixed Just to cut open the stitches Just to cut open the stitches That same old color between you and I That same old color between you and I It must not be real, must not be real, it must be dye The church I go to said the same old thing The writings in the book set me aflame Am I afraid to love again Going through the shame of heavenly regret Heavenly regret Heavenly regret They said in a perfect world I wouldn’t exist Tell me I’m your girl so you can kiss I’ll never be a man in a world like this I’m too hard to understand so I must desist Desist Desist Desist Desist Let’s make a blood pact so you can relax To never love eachother again If our bodies are the temples burning in the night The kerosene is our skin Liquid vixens, damned descendants Of the righteous families Why the hell do we feel this way To God are we too disgusting Desist Desist Desist Desist

I don't want to keep clawing at same wall I want to speak in the same tone you call Calling out for me, calling out these thighs To set your body free from the dark arise I don't want to be your conduit I have a lot to prove and that's just not it And I try to tell myself there are better things ahead Besides this musty bedroom, besides this dusty bed but No one else can save me No one else can save me now I have to save myself Save myself somehow I'm not a virgin to pain I'm not a virgin to the rain I know that in my heart I'm a virgin to remain But I can't keep letting this get the best of me Slitting up my thighs and cutting up my knees I I don't want to be your conduit I have a lot to prove and that's just not it And I try to tell myself there are better things ahead Besides this musty bedroom, besides this dusty bed but No one else can save me No one else can save me now I have to save myself Save myself somehow I'm not a virgin to pain I'm not a virgin to the rain I know that in my heart I'm a virgin to remain But I can't keep letting this get the best of me Slitting up my thighs and cutting up my knees I can't keep letting this turn my world to hurt They haven't seen the best of me, the best I deserve I'm ugly and I'm blessed I'm wretched and I'm blessed You'll never touch my chest Or the heart that is at rest I'm broken and I'm blessed I'm hurt just like the rest There lies a place for love Under my flesh I'm the blessed virgin I'm the blessed virgin I'm the blessed virgin I'm the blessed virgin You can't You can't Love

Little deer Scurry Away And when you leave You disobey so Duck your head Leave the bed Wicked don’t rest They want to suck your soul Out from where it hides They’re waiting for you to die Take your body in the night Use your skin as a shelter To put themselves in And you’re bones becomes a structure Pain will never give in Don’t let your eyes Rest for a second They’ll take you when you’re weak Your tears become their weapon Take it from another that has been Destroyed They won’t dissipate until they get their Toy It’s much too, much too late for a Christmas Joy They took a broken girl, they took a broken Boy Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer Little deer

I breathe, I wheeze, inhaling the smoke My lungs, they choke, a muscle provoked I love that they put up to adopt A heart, they lied, they could live without This is the life This is the life This is the life It crawls and gnaws upon the flesh It's clothes impose an impending threat The sun is now a bowl of cancer The moon is now the devils dancer This is the life This is the life This is the life This is the life This is the life This is the life We live and we die

Repetition in my dreams Recurrence of my plague Within these walls lurk happy ghosts They've been haunting me for days Anger used to keep me warm at night, now It leaves a mark like tears leave I used to wish for euphoria Dysphoria only leads to agony I used to bathe in cigarette ash Just like my Mother I joined the pack I'd get so mad, take my fists, clench them up Just like my Father has I've come so farther they say Acknowledgment I feign I find it hard to grasp The happiness I've had When all my life I've been asleep For you Something tells me I could be something Without you by my side Something tells me I am not nothing So don't make me feel worthless Tonight

One moment at a time I feel worthless That’s why I wait by your side You give me purpose When I can’t find it myself When Hell is all I know When I fear the heavenly glow Of the cross But who’s to say that we deserve it Who deserves anything anymore Who could justify saying I’m worthless When my heart is the strongest through this war I have markings on my thighs Dying stars in my eyes But something tells me You don’t care And now that I finally realize I don’t need to sculpt and size Myself to be perfect Perfection’s never there All that is there is your heavenly smile And your loving stare A drug could take this away So I stay a crazy bitch And I think you of love it Sometimes you have to admit That you don’t But it’s okay, no need for forgiveness We are under our own laws To stay true to our “flaws” But who's to say that we’re imperfect When the image of it is in constant orbit And who knows what perfect is Something made up by a purist I have markings on my thighs Dying stars in my eyes But something tells me You don’t care And now that I finally realize I don’t need to sculpt and size Myself to be perfect Perfection’s never there All that’s there is your heavenly smile All that’s there is my body’s exile All that’s there is my dark hair And your loving stare